In recent years, marriage rates in the United States have been steadily declining. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the marriage rate dropped from 8.2 per 1,000 people in 2000 to 5.1 per 1,000 in 2022. Moreover, accroding to a new Institute for Family Studies (IFS) analysis of U.S. Census data，it reports that the proportion of adults who have never been married has reached a record high of 35%. Many women are choosing to delay or even forgo marriage due to pressures such as balancing career and family or simply because they prefer independence. However, there are still many women who long for a stable family. So, how can we determine if a woman is suitable for marriage? What kind of women might be happier remaining single instead of entering into marriage? This article aims to provide some criteria to help make that determination.
Sometimes, just a look, a gesture, or a small emotional outburst can give us clues.
Ultimately, the goal is to find a reliable and loving partner and hold onto them, so that the second stage of life can be as happy as possible. Therefore, the key lies in the inner qualities of a person rather than their external conditions. External factors can be considered as a reference but shouldn’t be the deciding factor. Unfortunately, many people reverse this logic: they prioritize external conditions when choosing a life partner, treating inner qualities as secondary or even irrelevant.
The so-called inner qualities can be evaluated through foundational standards, disqualifying factors, and desirable traits observed after spending some time together.
1. Foundational Standards: When to Reconsider the Relationship
Below are nine factors that should be considered red flags. If your partner exhibits any of these traits, it’s advisable not to pursue a romantic relationship, as these issues are challenging to change and can create significant emotional risks in the future. You can still remain friends, but keeping some distance is better to avoid complications.
- Low Tolerance
If someone gets upset easily and is intolerant of others, they may react aggressively when their rights are violated. This behavior suggests a lack of emotional regulation, which can lead to a challenging relationship dynamic. - Emotional Instability
Individuals who are constantly anxious or depressed can pull others into their negative emotional state. No one can help them except themselves, and those around them often end up being negatively affected. - Overly Materialistic and Competitive
People who only value material gains often struggle to understand love. Relationships with such individuals can feel transactional, and they are likely to argue over perceived imbalances. - Too Flirtatious
Someone who enjoys flirting with multiple people at once is not suitable for a serious relationship. If you notice that your partner is behaving ambiguously with others, they are likely not committed to you. - Complaining about Life
People who blame their misfortunes on external factors (the government, parents, ex-partners) and harbor resentment toward the world are unlikely to be good partners. - Refusal to Communicate
If someone misunderstands what you say and then refuses to clarify or communicate, it’s a sign that effective communication will be a struggle in the relationship. - Lacks Self-care
If someone cannot take care of themselves, for example, continuing unhealthy habits while sick, they are unlikely to be a reliable partner in marriage. - Dishonesty
Someone who lies easily is hard to trust. During the dating phase, dishonesty will eventually reveal itself, and it’s crucial for partners to be able to share openly. - Invasive and Controlling
If your partner constantly questions every aspect of your life without respecting your privacy, they may be insecure and overly controlling.
If your partner exhibits any of these foundational red flags, it’s essential to address them through open communication. However, if nothing changes after several attempts, it may be time to end the relationship. These issues will only get worse in marriage, where leaving is more difficult.
2. Disqualifying Factors (Can Be Overlooked but Are Still Concerning)
These traits are not immediate deal-breakers but can add complications:
- Neglects Appearance: Fails to dress appropriately or maintain a clean appearance.
- Disorganized Living Space: A perpetually messy room can indicate a lack of responsibility.
- Lack of Self-discipline: Poor sleep habits, excessive junk food consumption, or financial mismanagement.
- Unhealthy Lifestyle: Spending weekends in bed, neglecting meals, or eating just for convenience.
- Rude Behavior: Speaking loudly in public, swearing frequently, or disregarding social etiquette.
- Friends with Questionable Character: Surrounding oneself with friends of poor character can be a reflection of one’s values.
- Emotionally Detached: Showing indifference towards anything unrelated to themselves, making it difficult to connect on a deeper level.
These factors are not necessarily reasons to end a relationship but should be taken into consideration.
3. Desirable Traits (Positive, But Not Deciding Factors)
These traits can add value to the relationship but shouldn’t be the sole reason for staying:
- Can Cook: Bonus points.
- Considerate of Others: A positive trait.
- Ability to Manage Situations: Even having the awareness of this need is a plus.
- Intelligent: Quick to understand and engage in meaningful conversations.
- Positive Energy: Tries to uplift the atmosphere during challenging situations.
- Has Personal Ambitions: Simple goals and plans regarding life and career.
- Clear Boundaries: Knows how to behave appropriately in different relationships.
- Delayed Emotional Response: Someone who doesn’t react immediately with anger and can reason things out.
- Genuine: Willing to reveal their true self, even if it means being vulnerable.
- Passionate about Personal Interests: Engages in activities they love, even when alone.
- Polite: Treats others with respect.
- Regular Exercise Routine: Shows discipline.
- Curious and Thoughtful: Asks questions and shows interest in various aspects of life.
These qualities can be very appealing, but they should be considered as part of the bigger picture, rather than the deciding factor.
The focus should be on a partner’s level of self-awareness and ability to manage their emotions and desires effectively. Material conditions, like wealth or physical appearance, are secondary to the qualities that will lead to a successful and fulfilling marriage.
